When I make cups of tea,
You won’t get a teabag to yourself.
You will get my leftover teabag,
So your tea will contain almost no caffeine,
Because I will have taken it

And I will intentionally over brew
Your second hand tea,
So that it is dark
And unpleasantly tannin-y
Seeing you wince after you sip
Fizzes me with pleasure.

One day I will overhear you debating
Whose turn it is to make tea
“Don’t ask Lucy!”
you will say.
“She is so bad at making tea.”
And everyone will murmur their dissent,
Shaking their heads at you.
They will kind of think less of you for your meanness
And I will dip behind a filing cabinet
And snigger.

“Up yours, Nemesis!”
I will shout
Very loudly
In my head.

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