Hello, dear ones. Here is another exciting instalment of my obsessive Buffy charting. It’s good to have a hobby that isn’t just refreshing twitter and crying. They go up every Thursday at 6:45, and you can read the rest here.
Series One, Episode Four – Teacher’s Pet
This week’s monster is a horrible massive insect Mrs Robinson type thing. She is pretty in her human form, though, so Xander predictable wants to hit that.
Due to the tragic decapitation of Sunnydale’s biology teacher, Mr No-Head, we are introduced to a substitute. She is SMOKIN HOT and all the teenage boys want to bang her. Unfortunately, she wants to bang them too. In further unfortunate news, she is a giant insects and wishes to find virgins to mate with. They will fertilise her eggs, then she will decapitate them. I know a lot of us had pretty grim ~early sexual moments~ but we can all agree, I think, this is far from ideal. Luckily, Buffy defeats her with bug spray, and I am not even joking.
Oh, also, Angel turns up to bitch about some vampire who has forks for hands, and also give Buffy her iconic oversize leather jacket.
The perils of love. Trusting yourself. Sexy, sexy sex.
Random frat dude: A girls’ really got to have something to go with me.
Xander: Something like a lobotomy?
Xander: Your hands are really… serrated.
Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander’s not a, uh…I mean, he’s probably…
Willow: …gonna die!
There is an opening dream sequence from Xander, where Buffy is being a classic damsel and it throws into such delicious contrast how little she conforms to any of these bullshit heroine stereotypes.
A vampire theatrically rears back from Ms Mantis, showing Buffy she is To Be Feared. Camp as all hell.
Ms Mantis also does a lot of hilarious insect type behaviour, such as rotating her head all the way round and eating an insect sandwich.
What Can We Learn?
Don’t shag insects.
Love can make you lose your head (lol).
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