This Happens Every Month

I just woke up and thought I’d gone blind. I’ve had really bad eyesight since I was about 10, but for the last year I’ve had these AWESOME contact lenses. They make the world look like it was shot in HD. So good. Also, they are extended wear, so I just put them in and […]

Barely Bullingdon

I did a really nice gig last night. They were lovely. I’m glad I put on a dress for them. They put me on in the second half, which is a compliment and nicer to perform, and gave me a bit of cake. The most I’ve EVER been paid to perform is a glass of […]

Evidence

I found the following texts on my my phone. They were all sent from me to D between 23.35 and 02.02 last night/this morning. There was no response, because D is a real person and he was asleep. “We are crashing a college party now. Best or worst idea ever x” “Medium idea.” “They are […]

Advent Treat Day Two

Before tonight’s show, stick on some music and take the time to dress and put on make up like a person who realises she may be on stage later that evening. This replaces the usual tactic of wearing the first thing I scoop off the floor and spending the first five minutes wondering if the […]

Adulthood

Two significant things happened this year in terms of me growing up. The first I only found out about today. For the first year ever, I didn’t get an advent calendar from my parents. I’m too old. That’s right. The dream is over. No longer a child. The other significant thing was that my parents […]